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ODE TO MICHAEL DELL (BEGINS)

I'll do a new poem each week for ol' Michael Dell,
The CEO who brags that he knows how to sell,
List' Michael, it's an easy decision to make,
Just tell your guys to quickly rectify this mistake.
I'm just wasting my time with this Windows ME,
You owe me a Dimension with new Windows XP!
Every few minutes a "Windows will now close,"
To tell you the truth, it's a real pain up my...nose.
Windows ME was the worst program from Bill Gates,
And like a virus its spread through all fifty states.
Like a tire with a bubble, it'll never be right,
I know there were millions like me in the same plight,
With Windows ME, Dell has given us the shaft.
I know where it belongs..and up to the haft!
It's not fair to cheat people with Windows ME,
And cheated they are, when it won't work properly!
I'd like to think well of the CEO at Dell,
But how can I when I've this Computer from Hell?
"Lexplore will now close" four times has popped up on screen,
While writing this last verse, then erases it clean.
Some gibberish appears, words that mean nothing to me,
That's just one more day with Windows complexity.
Oh to leg-chain this computer to Michael Dell,
And his sentence? "Life with that Computer from Hell

SPYWARE BY DELL??
(Ode to Michael Dell #14)
I have some special news for you,
What do you think that Dell would do?
Do you think that they'd have the gall
In each computer to install

Spyware so that they might find
Whether you've had a change of mind
And changed awful Windows ME,
Replaced it with Windows XP?

Improving your Computer from Hell,
Bearing the name of Texan Dell!
You may find you've spyware within
Or I belong in the looney bin.

I may be wrong, but I suspect
Spyware hidden if you but check.
Or else crafted...a timely mine
To cause problems that'll prove devine.

The Messenger comes straight from Hell,
Could it be from MS or Dell?
Three years I've had of suffering
And now they threaten buffering!

It affects all, just wait and see,
Except that shameful ol' ME.
Am I about to lose my work
Because I think that he's a jerk.
He stuck me with a program which...
Makes me think he's one son-of-a-????


ODE TO MICHAEL DELL #15

Sitting in his strong room while he counted his gold,
Fourteen billion was there, that's the total we're told.
His mansion overlooking the valley below,
His opulence, his treasures continue to grow.

He lives like a king, fourteen billion he's worth?
He can brag he's one of the richest men on earth.
But his wealth isn't deserved, some men can complain,
For his Dell products aren't living up to his name.

ODE TO MICHAEL DELL (CONTINUES)

ODE TO MICHAEL DELL IV
I’m sorry that you seem to feel,
That I had time that you could steal.
I’m sorry, but down deep inside,
I feel I’ve been taken for a ride.
For when you steal my time from me,
You are not dealing honestly,
The product that should work so well,
Is El Crappo, and made by Dell.
Now, why should I blame Michael Dell,
For this damn Computer from Hell.
They have a saying, Michael dear,
For CEOs, The Buck Stops Here!
For when a man sends out his name,
He shouldn’t play that age-old game.
For in that name one puts his trust,
Then finds it’s little more than dust.

A FRUITFUL MEETING

A FRUITFUL MEETING

I met a lady-friend at the market today,

So we stopped and chatted 'fore going on our way,

We discussed the hot weather, then some mutual friends,

You know how such things go before the talking ends.

Then she brought up a subject that really rang my bell;

She had recently bought a computer from Dell!

I said, "I guess you're up to date with Windows XP,

So you're happy with your Dell as anyone can be!"

“Well, that's what you'd think,” she said with a frown,

“But while I'd like to be writing, my computer's still down.

The keyboard just won't work, the plug-in doesn't match,

It seems they sent one from a 1999 batch.

And talking to Texas, they can't get it right,

So now I'm involved in the nastiest fight."

It seems she had faith in the ads run by Dell,

But now she's got one of those Computers from Hell.

I soon bid her ‘good day’, and I rushed home to write;

I now had a topic for a new poem tonight!

OUTHOUSE EXPRESS FROM DELL

OUTHOUSE EXPRESS

Please, take a letter Miss Jones, to Mr. Bill Gates,
Regarding: ME’s forty Critical Updates.
And please send a copy to my friend, Michael Dell,
The guy who stuck me with that Computer from Hell.
Tell him it just froze up again the other night,
Installing a Critical Update that just wasn’t right.
Just to have a Program that works, such foolish dreams,
Instead, it’s a patchwork quilt coming apart at the seams.

I’ve no degree as a Computer Engineer,
I’m a simple guy, one who enjoys a cold beer,
Who likes to send emails to a nephew or friend,
And surfing the Internet’s marvels without end,
For such simple joys, shouldn’t a computer be
Easy to use and virtually trouble free?
But then, I get this damn Dimension from Dell,
That I’ve finally named, the Computer from Hell.

I’ve been thinking of calling one segment…Outhouse Express,
Because when it locks up, it’s such a stinking mess,
My car gives me less trouble and it’s twelve years old,
While in three years Windows ME is ready to fold
It’s no longer supported by Gate’s company?
‘Cause they’ve too many problems with Windows ME?
Twelve hundred I paid for that Dimension from Dell,
But then what I got was a Computer from Hell!

posted by Howarde @ 11:42 PM 0 comments
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ODE TO MICHAEL DELL VI

When up comes that message, LEXPLORE WILL NOW CLOSE.
Don't sit there, speechless, just picking your nose.
Get it out of your system, swear a bit,
Because you know Dell doesn't give a s***!
There's only one remedy left to you,
Just do what I'm a'telling you to do.
Yes, it's time that we gathered to rebel.
Sit down and write letters to Michael Dell!
It’s not the computer, it’s what’s inside,
You'd think that Dell execs would have some pride,
'Cause their computer's unstable as can be...
A lame-brained decision: "Install ME!"
No matter the patches, it’ll never be right,
So join in with us, let’s stand up and fight.
Fair warning to you, my friend, Michael Dell,
We’re ready, we’re going to ring your bell!

LIFE SENTENCE FOR MICHAEL DELL

ODE TO MICHAEL DELL II


I'll do a new poem each week for ol' Michael Dell,
The CEO who brags that he knows how to sell,
List' Michael, it's an easy decision to make,
Just tell your guys to quickly rectify this mistake.

I'm just wasting my time with this Windows ME,
You owe me a Dimension with new Windows XP!
Every few minutes a "Windows will now close,"
To tell you the truth, it's a real pain up my...nose.


Windows ME was the worst program from Bill Gates,
And like a virus its spread through all fifty states.
Like a tire with a bubble, it'll never be right,
I know there were millions like me in the same plight,

With Windows ME, Dell has given us the shaft.
I know where it belongs..and up to the haft!
It's not fair to cheat people with Windows ME,
And cheated they are, when it won't work properly!

I'd like to think well of the CEO at Dell,
But how can I when I've this Computer from Hell?
"Lexplore will now close" four times has popped up on screen,
While writing this last verse, then erases it clean.

Some gibberish appears, words that mean nothing to me,
That's just one more day with Windows complexity.
Oh to leg-chain this computer to Michael Dell,
And his sentence? "Life with that Computer from Hell!"

Well, them's my sentiments, that's my opinion. Any questions, Bubby? And, then my computer locked up and an hour's work was lost, so I had to do this all over again. That's just another day with my Dell. Soon, pictures of my Dell from Hell. I have them to keep it forever in my memory.

DELL, THE COMPUTER FROM HELL

DELL, THE COMPUTER FROM HELL!


(DELL 6108BL01)


by Howard E. Morseburg

Listen, my dear readers, to this story I'll tell,
'bout a Dell-vil computer that made my life Hell.
It's a story that may bring a tear to your eye,
Or wish to hang yourself from a rafter on high.
With its' Windows ME, I've been nailed to the Cross,
It hangs 'round my neck like a dead albatross.
I've suffered from mistakes by Corporate Dell,
When that firm sent me that computer from Hell.

It had a Dell-vilish fickle mind of its' own;
I've had every problem for which MEs been known.
MSIMN WILL NOW CLOSE it says once again,
LEXPLORER WILL NOW CLOSE...it gives me great pain.
Time and again my efforts are blocked...
Because Windows ME has once again locked.
RESTART YOUR COMPUTER; for a minute...all's well,
But again it locks up, that computer from Hell.

Our trusted friend, WINDOWS, is blamed for this sin;
It's like fighting a war when the enemy's within!
As eighty years approaches and life's ending draws nigh,
My last wish is a computer that works...'fore I die,
One that's dependable as one ever can be,
One that's not suffering from Windows sickly ME!
Three years I have suffered, like Saddam's torture cell,
Trying to make sense of that computer from Hell.

Three years of frustration, for three years I have sworn,
Where there wasn't a cuss-word, a new one was born.
They told me I should uninstall Microsoft's M E,
Then re-install the same thing that's troubling me!
If I were Mister Michael, I'd sure die of shame,
That such a computer bore the family name.
I've taken the time to write Michael Dell,
Complaining to him 'bout that computer from Hell.

(I've checked the mailbox daily that's in front of my home.
But there's not been an answer, hence I wrote them this poem.)

Copyright 5/29/04 H.E.Morseburg

(NOTE:This poem refers to Dell Computer: 6108BL01. Any similarity to other products with Windows ME might be much more than coincidental. In fact, it might possibly be endemic, but I have only suspicions and personal reports, but no exhaustive pages of technical data nor polls to substantiate them. I can only testify to my own experience, and that of friends. My Windows ME program bears the following code: GTBKG FYYD7 YGGOG 997VE 9NCDC.
Other users have given me many negative reports, and some very knowledgeable ones have recommended I go back to Windows 98, which they claim is much, much, much more dependable.)

More poems? www.howardsviews.com

ODE TO MICHAEL DELL (con't.)

ODE TO MICHAEL DELL
Michael, m’boy, you’ve screwed up my life,
That Dell computer’s like a naggin’ wife,
It’s always complainin’ that somethin’s wrong,
It’s always whinin’ that same old song.

When you installed that old Windows ME,
What it needed then was Windows XP.
To me M-E is unreliable,
And I think you’re totally liable.

Brandon has advised me to remove ME,
And just install again….what? Windows ME!
One day it can cause a FATAL stroke,
But FATALS a word that’s used by you folk.

Or performed an illegal operation
(That’s truly a scary aberration).
A phrase that’s just a total abortion,
By someone versed in mental contortion.

Oh Michael, oh Michael, oh Michael lad,
My story is long, my story is sad,
This computer came from Corporate Dell,
My computer from the bowels of Hell.
Ever, your most humble and obedient servant,
Howard E. Morseburg
16th of June, In the year of our Lord, 2004

DELL'S MILLENIUM IN HELL

I'll tell you the the story of my computer from Hell,
That was made down in Texas by a company named Dell.
Now I ain't claimin' I'm expert, I'm a'tellin' you true,
But you can jes' hang your hat on what I'm gonna tell you.
So jes' follow along and a good story I'll sure tell,
That has to do with this fella', be his name Michael Dell.


(I read that Michael hurt his'self ridin' his horse, so I sympathetically wrote him a Get-better (at riding?) poem.)

MICHAEL RIDES AGIN’

When a fellers bin a'straddle
Since he’s old e’nuff to ride,
And he larns to throw his saddle,
On most any colored hide,
Tho’ it’s nuthin’ to take pride in,
Most fellers I have know'd,
If they ever done much ridin’
Has at differ’nt times bin t’rowed.

So I guess it’s bound to rankle,
When yer t’rowed and break yer ankle,
Still yer can’t keep on a’moanin,
And jest a’gripin’ and a’groanin’
Don't jest sit there where you're sittin',
Michael, don't you be a'quittin’
Next time be sure yer do 'er right,
And jes'...cinch up yer saddle tight!

Yes, it's surely bound to rankle,
When yer horse steps on yer ankle!

(I did not compose the first verse; I've had it in a notebook for more than 50 years, so used it here to begin...)

Heironymous S. Anon-Y-Mous c.2004